Every wise woman buildeth her house: but
the foolish plucketh it down with her hands.
Proverbs 14:1
Waste not-
You're going to have to work hard to build your house and it starts with looking at yourself, your conduct, your habits, your priorities, and making the necessary changes. There are lots of proverbs from Proverbs I could share and it would all be incredibly helpful to a woman who is building her home. Today I'm just sticking with the three that have made the most difference in myself and my marriage. I hope they help you in some way.
The slothful man roasteth not that which
he took in hunting: but the substance of a
diligent man is precious.
Proverbs 12:2
A few years ago I was on the bus home wondering what to make for dinner. I read the Proverb for that day and came across this verse. I had some spinach at home that I really didn't want to eat but when I read this verse I determined to do something with it. I just used stuff I had at home and came up with a wonderful salad that will always be one of my favourites: spinach, strawberries, leftover grilled asparagus dressed with honey and balsamic vinegar. It was delightful and it still is.
I've come up with some really delicious dishes just by using what I have at home. You get to test your ability to cook, try new things, and be creative.
The last part of that verse tells us that people who work hard know the value of something and will put it to good use. Whatever it is be it money, time, food, materials- don't waste it!
By time I don't mean you always have to be doing something 'productive'. I find a good use of free time is taking a long and thorough shower. Most of my showers are rushed so when I can take my time and enjoy it, I do. On the other hand I am personally convicted that sleeping in is a waste of time. Sometimes sleeping in is necessary, needed, and part of a lovely relaxing day. To sleep in every day is a no-no because you'll have to hit the ground running and you won't stop until bed time. For me to get the most out of my day I have to get up before my son, do my devotions, and make sure I think about what I need to accomplish that day. I can tackle a busy day with a lot more equanimity when I've had an hour or more to sit quietly and gather my strength.
Haste not-
Also, that they soul be without knowledge, it
is not good; and he that hasteth with his feet
sinneth.
Proverbs 19:2
Proverbs talks a lot about 'he that hasteth'. I always remember this whenever I'm ordering sushi. I don't get to eat it very much any more and my tendency is to get a lot of it and eat it all in one go. The problem with that is it can be costly but sushi is very filling right away but you get hungry quickly afterward. Now when I eat sushi I order what I like and take my time eating it- I enjoy it more, spend less, and stay fuller longer.
That's a very silly example but I hope it shows the point that doing things quickly, without thought of the consequences will cost you more than you should be willing to give. Many times I've made a decision quickly only to learn afterwards that I should've waited for more information. I've wrongly chastened my son because I've been too hasty to assume his guilt, I've spent more money than I needed to because I was too hasty thinking I needed something I didn't, I've said yes to things I couldn't commit to because I was too hasty to please.
I was at the book store one day looking at something I needed but it cost $40 and to me it really was not worth that much. I would have bought it anyway but I decided to leave it for that day and think about it a bit more. After a day or so of thinking about it I realized I needed it so I went back only to find one left and it did not have the protective plastic cover. It was in perfect condition otherwise so I brought it to the cashier to pay for it and when she rang it up it was $20. I got 50% off because I waited.
We don't need to rush anything. God is not in a hurry so we should not be either. The things He wants He will bring to pass and put in our hands. We just need to trust Him, walk with Him, and talk to Him.
By time I don't mean you always have to be doing something 'productive'. I find a good use of free time is taking a long and thorough shower. Most of my showers are rushed so when I can take my time and enjoy it, I do. On the other hand I am personally convicted that sleeping in is a waste of time. Sometimes sleeping in is necessary, needed, and part of a lovely relaxing day. To sleep in every day is a no-no because you'll have to hit the ground running and you won't stop until bed time. For me to get the most out of my day I have to get up before my son, do my devotions, and make sure I think about what I need to accomplish that day. I can tackle a busy day with a lot more equanimity when I've had an hour or more to sit quietly and gather my strength.
Haste not-
Also, that they soul be without knowledge, it
is not good; and he that hasteth with his feet
sinneth.
Proverbs 19:2
Proverbs talks a lot about 'he that hasteth'. I always remember this whenever I'm ordering sushi. I don't get to eat it very much any more and my tendency is to get a lot of it and eat it all in one go. The problem with that is it can be costly but sushi is very filling right away but you get hungry quickly afterward. Now when I eat sushi I order what I like and take my time eating it- I enjoy it more, spend less, and stay fuller longer.
That's a very silly example but I hope it shows the point that doing things quickly, without thought of the consequences will cost you more than you should be willing to give. Many times I've made a decision quickly only to learn afterwards that I should've waited for more information. I've wrongly chastened my son because I've been too hasty to assume his guilt, I've spent more money than I needed to because I was too hasty thinking I needed something I didn't, I've said yes to things I couldn't commit to because I was too hasty to please.
I was at the book store one day looking at something I needed but it cost $40 and to me it really was not worth that much. I would have bought it anyway but I decided to leave it for that day and think about it a bit more. After a day or so of thinking about it I realized I needed it so I went back only to find one left and it did not have the protective plastic cover. It was in perfect condition otherwise so I brought it to the cashier to pay for it and when she rang it up it was $20. I got 50% off because I waited.
We don't need to rush anything. God is not in a hurry so we should not be either. The things He wants He will bring to pass and put in our hands. We just need to trust Him, walk with Him, and talk to Him.
More verses on haste:
He that is slow to wrath is of great understanding:
but he that is hasty of spirit exalteth folly.
Proverbs 14:29
The thoughts of the diligent tend only to plenteousness;
but of every one that is hasty only to want.
Proverbs 21:5
Seest thou a man that is hasty in his words?
there is more hope of a fool than of him.
Proverbs 29:20
A faithful man shall abound with blessings:
but he that maketh haste to be rich shall not be innocent.
Proverbs 28:20
He that hasteth to be rich hath an evil eye,
and considereth not that poverty shall come upon him.
Proverbs 28:22
Do good-
The heart of her husband doth safely
trust in her, so that he shall have no need of
spoil.
She will do him good and not evil all the
days of her life.
Proverbs 31:11&12
In my first year of marriage I began to look at everything I did and ask myself, is this doing my husband good or evil. It made the biggest change in my marriage. We can do our husbands evil every day and not notice it.
My husband told me to always put the fan on when I'm making bacon. I really hate the fan- it's noisy. Sometimes I'm just cooking two pieces and I really feel like I don't need to have it on. I turn it on any way because it's not what I think, it's what my husband told me to do and even when he's not home, I still need to listen to him.
Now, that's a very little thing but those little things add up to an attitude we have about our husbands. Do you really truly honestly respect him?
If you can't obey in the little things, what makes you think you'll obey him in the big things when the going gets tough? If you're constantly undermining him in the small things then something is wrong in your relationship with him. It may be that you can't trust them. If you do trust your husband- something you need to learn quickly is that you don't know everything and there must be a good reason you were told to do something a certain way.
Another evil has to do with your children. Someone I know told me that their parent's marriage the mother would always say bad things about their father to her children. That just divides the house and plucks it down. I want my son to love his father, to have respect for him, to obey him and I need to be the best example of that.
There's also the matter of training. I'd like my son to be well behaved but the most important thing is that he gets saved and lives in God's will. My husband trusts me to bring up our son in the nurture and admonition of the Holy Spirit while he is out working. If I fail in that I am convicted that I am doing my husband evil. My hope is to share the joy of our child (hopefully children) with my husband for as long as we live. I know things happen and life doesn't always turn out the way we hope it will, but I have to know that I did my best, that I prayed, that I followed the Lord, and that my son was given the absolute best opportunity to walk with God.
Verse eleven talks about trust. I want to do my husband good because I want him to safely trust me. It is important to me that my husband trusts me with absolutely everything and that includes knowing what to do when things aren't going so well.
I was trying to explain to someone a few months ago that when people are low- especially men I find- the best thing is to listen and only offer advice when they ask. Most of them just need to get their problems off their chest: they just need someone to listen. Saying 'it will be okay, God is in control' seldom makes them feel any better (even though those things are true). When my husband is low I just listen to him and give him physical comfort- like a big hug. I've learned by experience that's what works best.
The other day I made a comment to him that I shouldn't have. It wasn't rude or anything but it was just kind of a downer. I apologized as soon as I realized my mistake and he wasn't upset or anything (he told me I didn't need to apologize) because he knew my intent wasn't to make him feel bad. This is what trust does- it brings you to a place of understanding where you feel completely and utterly safe with the other person. You know their intentions are pure and when they make mistakes you are more understanding and forgiving.
This matter of safe trust takes a lot of work and I tore myself down many times before I finally got the hang of it. The way we react has a lot to do with it. If we're against them in our heart it will manifest itself in our actions toward them.
Doing evil does not just have to do with being unfaithful and trust does not just have to do with money. Those things run deep to the bowels of a marriage in those little every day things that make a world of difference.
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